Know It All
by eifel105
Summary: Shepard thought she knew all about the galaxy, including what love was, she was wrong. Not too sappy I promise M for future chaps
1. Prologue

**Author's Note: This is my first fanfic **_**ever**_** so if it sucks, I am sincerely sorry about that. However telling me that may not stop me :P I'm mostly writing this for my own enjoyment and I figured it would be neat to see what other people thought of it. **

**Some info on my femshep: Name is Jane Shepard (so it isn't just **_**my**_** Shepard) pretty much a paragade kind of gal, but very persuasive. Earthborn, but is a war hero (rose above what people expected from her). She's a powerful adept, cause biotics are freakin' awesome. Thank you kindly for reading :D**

**Word Count: 904**

Jane Shepard was always a natural leader, would've been deadly as hell if she didn't have high standards for herself. Everyone expected the gang raised, Earthborn to be nothing but a problem. The only thing that expectation accomplished was making Shepard all the more determined to show everyone how wrong they were.

Defeating the geth, Saren, and a Reaper all at once was apparently what it took to prove how good she was. Even now the council was too scared to see the real threat, sending her after geth. When they gave Shepard the order, it took all the effort in the galaxy to not roll her eyes.

Now she was staring at a panel, checking that the weapons systems were synced up properly. Normally a job for the gunnery chief, but Virmire took care of that. Jane felt that damn rock in her stomach again, remembering her friend's face and the extreme guilt she felt. Shepard turned her head over her shoulder to look at Lieutenant Kaiden Alenko, to remember something good that had come out all the bullshit. It took a little bit of starting, but he eventually looked back. It was enough to bring a smile to Shepard's face, enough to make this mission feel a little less pointless.

Concentrating on the screens in front of her, Shepard got lost in the calculations and algorithms as they flew in and out of sight; which made the sudden shake from an enemy gun all the more shocking, quickly jolting her out of the math stupor. Instinct took over, Jane quickly got in the rest of her space gear as explosions were heard and felt from every angle. Just before getting her helmet on, Shepard sent out a distress probe.

"Shepard!" It was Kaiden, alive thankfully.

"Distress beacon is ready for launch," It was the only comforting thing a commander could say at a time like this.

"Will the Alliance get here in time?" Shortly after that there was an explosion; Jane caught Kaiden as he fell.

Trying to look into his eyes despite the helmets and mass chaos Jane told him they damn well better be. He said something about Joker not leaving, how he wouldn't either. There was a temptation to smack some sense into Alenko, but Jane settle for an order instead. Now she just had to rescue the other heroic idiot in her life. Getting to the cockpit was no walk in the park but Shepard got there, she was too stubborn to let little things like fire and lack of gravity get in her way.

It took some convincing but Joker came to his senses and let Jane carry him to the emergency pod. Then everything really went to hell, but big lasers tend to be a bad thing. All at once Shepard was sucked out the pod, pushing the button to send Joker to safety, and being blown out of the ship by another attack.

She was breathing like she just ran a marathon but there wasn't any air, maybe it was fear. No things were too dark, then it hit even harder than the laser. Her suit was hit, there was an air leak, she was going to die.

~*~

Shit, that was Jane's first thought since that's just what she felt like. The next thought was something along the lines of _Where the hell am I?_ Then it came back; the darkness, no air, going to die, had to move.

Jane tried lifting an arm only to have it brought down by a woman. Jane focused on the women, trying to get her bearings.

"Just try to relax." _Relax? I'm supposed to be dead! I need to move!_

Then it all was getting blurry, something about a sedative.

~*~

Next thing Jane is waking up to that voice, the one that belonged to the woman. Her name had been Miranda.

She had to get the pistol; Jane had already died once this time she wasn't going down without one hell of a fight. There was Jacob, nice guy if a little naïve. Then Wilson, but he ended up getting shot by Miranda, he was a traitor apparently. Then Jane is working for Cerberus and the "Illusive Man", going to Freedom's Progress.

She got to see Tali again, but that did no good since she wasn't going to join up with Shepard. Then there was Joker, which was unexpected on so many levels. The biggest sucker punch was seeing another Normandy, only this one was supposed to be "better". Whatever it all meant didn't matter; Shepard set a course for Omega and then went to her quarters. When she saw that big, comfy bed Shepard decided that now was the time to fall face forward and pretend none of this crap ever happened.


	2. Going Into Hell

**A/N: So my prologue was a little disjointed, this is not how I normally write. I like to present the story in a clean sort of way so that's what I hope to continue doing. I did rate the story an M just because I honestly feel that 2****nd**** base or higher is a tad too much for teens to be reading. Now I honestly don't know if I'll do anything smutty, because I don't know jack-diddly about Turian physiology. **

**Word Count: 1413**

Normally Shepard had little patience for crime lords, they reminded her too much of home. There was something about Aria she liked though, charming for such a ruthless women. Shepard especially like the one rule of Omega, "Don't fuck with Aria."

"I like it, easy to remember."

"What can you tell me about Mordin Solus?"

"The Salarian doctor?" Aria leaned forward, going into detail on how Mordin was in the STG and just as likely to shoot you as to kill you.

Really this was the only information Shepard wanted, sure she could try and recruit Archangel, but the guy honestly sounded like an idiot. Not even five minutes after stepping onto Omega, Jane knew that there would never be any justice here. Still it didn't hurt to ask, right?

"What can you tell me about Archangel?"

"Why, you want to kill him too?"

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, I guess you haven't heard, Archangel has cause more than enough trouble for the local mercs. They've all banded together to take him out. Something of an amazing feat really, I didn't think they could do it."

"What exactly did he do?"

"Caused trouble in general, killed too many people and stopped too many illegal shipments. The mercs tracked him to his base and he's managed to hold out so far, won't last much longer though."

"Sounds like my kind of guy."

"You better move then, from what I've heard he's almost done."

Jane couldn't resist aiding someone in need, even if it was some naïve vigilante. He might be a hot-headed kind of problem later, but there was no way Shepard would stand idly by and let a good person die.

~*~

The mercs definitely did not like freelancers, but they had no problem unveiling every detail of their plan to her. A little recon work here, some sabotage there and suddenly this rescue was looking way too easy. Shepard just hoped Archangel wouldn't shoot her or her people before she could shoot a merc for him.

When they finally began the push, Jane stayed behind so that shooting these guys in the back would be a lot easier. Focusing Miranda and Jacob on the mercs who were just running around aimlessly, Jane used her biotics to take down the guys working on bombs. In no time, all the mercs were down and only Archangel was left.

~*~

Garrus had seen her just in time, another second and he would have shot the best human that ever lived. Hell, she was the best person and being human was just a minor detail. He remembered how when they met, Shepard had treated him like everyone else. He had to work to earn her trust and respect; she didn't with hold it or give it out.

He also remembered that damn Lieutenant, Kaiden Alenko. Just when Garrus realized he felt something, Alenko wormed his way into her life. The worst part was that she seemed happy, so he couldn't even really hate Alenko. All he could do was sit and watch with jealousy, wishing for the first time in his life that he was a different species.

She worked her way up to him; he gave her the best cover he could manage without getting killed himself. _What was she doing here? Did she even know it was him she was protecting? What would he say?"_

"Archangel?" yea that was her, no denying it now.

He shot the last freelancer, bought him some time and kept them safe. He was exhausted, but still managed to stand up.

~*~

Shepard watched as Archangel removed his helmet, and it was like a wake-up smack. She should've seen this coming. Garrus was the kind of guy to do something like this, but she had hoped he stuck with C-Sec. There were at least less chances of dying, but this made it look like he had a death wish. Still, she was glad as hell to see him.

Shepard ended up leaving Jacob with Garrus whenever she had to, that was pretty painful to do. He was her best friend, someone she had trusted completely and look at where he was now. It was unfair.

When the gunship came out of nowhere, she wasn't fast enough. He was down on the ground in a pool of his own blood. That right there was what did it, Tarok was going die and die ugly.

~*~

There was a lot of pain, but he still managed to watch her. She was clearly pissed; despite the circumstance Garrus felt a tug at his heart, at least she still cared about him. It would've been so easy to just to die right there and then. If he did that, he wouldn't be in pain anymore but he would miss her. He wouldn't be able to see her smile or laugh, wouldn't be able to make sure she didn't die this time around. That was enough; it was worth the pain to be her protector.

~*~

Shepard got Garrus back to the ship, into the med-bay, and now she had to wait.

"Commander, is pacing the briefing room really the best thing you could do?" Miranda asked sarcastically.

"Well, I have no medical experience and unlike Christ I can't heal people with my hands. So yes, this is the best I can do."

Miranda stood there for maybe a second more and then just gave a curt nod to signal her departure. Jacob, on the other hand, stuck around. It was clear he cared about her well-being, but Jane didn't have the patience for it. She was worried about her friend, about Kaiden, about the whole damn galaxy.

"Tough son of bitch didn't think he'd be up by now," Jacob's words brought Jane's eyes up to the door, to Garrus.

She started with amazement that he was alive, so much that she didn't notice Jacob leaving. Shepard wanted to give a hug, thank him for surviving so she could have a friend in this mess. She settled for crossing her arms and smiling.

"They won't give me a mirror, how bad is it?"

"Hell Garrus you were always ugly, slap some face paint on there and no one will ever notice," hopefully a joke will make everything less tense.

"Heh, oh don't make me laugh. My face is barely holding together as is. Honestly I'm more worried about you. Cerberus, Shepard? Don't you remember those sick experiments they were running?"

"I remember, that's why I'm going to need you. If I'm walking into the hell I need someone I can trust."

"You do realize this plan has me going into hell with you, right? Just like old times. Look if you need me I'll be working on the ships weapons," with a small mandible flare to mark his smile, Garrus leaves.

Jane feels the pang in heart, mainly from the fact that she wasn't fast enough. She almost lost him, like how she lost Ashley. She made a promise to be faster the next time and not let this ever happen again. She knew what it was like to die.

~*~

As Garrus made himself comfortable in the gunnery he let himself express how he felt. A rush of emotions came over him, making him sit on some crates. It was almost too much to see her again, after all this time. Hearing the news had been horrible, it nearly killed him. Well that was how it felt at least, but he couldn't express it to anyone.

Everyone had expected Alenko to mourn for a long time, but not him. Why would he mourn with the same passion, they were just friends. It was one of many reasons why Garrus left the Citadel, including something of a death wish. He was sick of the galaxy and the scum that got away with everything. He went to Omega to do the most good, knowing it would probably get him killed.

On Omega there was always the next mission, it kept his mind busy. The only time he felt the pain was just before falling asleep. Now that she was alive and back in his world, Garrus felt only confusion and nerves. A large part of him wanted to tell her how he felt, so if he lost her again at least she had known. There was just one problem, Alenko. As soon as she found him, he would join up and that would be that. Alenko loved her too, which guaranteed that he would follow Shepard to hell too, right?

**A/N: So the way I'm writing this is that I'll play to a certain scene and then write the next chapter. I've got a good memory for words so it's pretty easy to remember dialogue, plus I take notes during game play. I know I've been doing some direct quotes from the game, but that will probably change starting with the next chapter. Basically I'm setting the ground work. Up next is Horizon, which you hopefully got from the sneak foreshadowing. (Hint: the last sentence x.x)**


	3. A legend and a ghost

**A/N: We'll talk more later *shifty eyes***

**WC: 1208**

Horizon had been horrible, in more ways than one. Shepard saved maybe half of the colony, fought with things that were going to haunt her, and then there was Kaiden. While Shepard didn't know if she had been in love with him, it still hurt like hell when he said those things. The words stood out more than anything else. Traitor was the big one; it hit her harder than anything else.

The alliance was all Shepard had; being told she betrayed them was too much. She got her team on the Normandy and got the hell away from that colony.

"Kelly, I need sleep. Please make sure anyone who asks for me knows they'll be waiting," thankfully all she did was nod.

Shepard could feel eyes looking at her back, instinct made her turn around just enough to see who it was. Garrus was looking her right in the eyes, something like concern written all over his face.

"Are you sure you'll be alright Commander?"

"Yea, I _will_ be. Right now I need to be on my own."

Shepard got into the elevator, got up to her room, and went straight for the shower. As the hot water worked out the muscles in back Jane let her mind wander. It was something she always did, over think everything. She thought about their first flirtations, the almost-kiss, and the night before Ilos. She remembered the slight pause before Kaiden told her to go see Joker. Was he trying to say he loved her, even then?

If they had time, maybe it would have been love for her too. They didn't though and while he dealt with heartbreak for two years, she was just getting started. Jane didn't like being a disappointment, thank the Alliance for that. _Traitor, is that what it takes to do the right thing?_

~*~

It had been close, Garrus almost committed murder. He knew that Alenko had always been a point of comfort for Shepard, always there to help her. He figured that was what brought them together. It was something he had wanted to be, to be her protector.

It enraged him to watch as Alenko threw away something that Garrus had wanted for so long. _Doesn't he even give a damn about what she went through? How could he say those things and still claim to lover her?_ It didn't make any sense, but a lot of things hadn't lately. Alenko didn't know betrayal, not really. Garrus knew it though, thanks to Sidonis.

~*~

Twelve hours later Shepard woke up with serious cabin fever. She spent her time thinking about every single detail, now she had a job to do. She would check up on her people, assure them that she hadn't lost her mind. She didn't even have to think about who would be first.

~*~

Garrus heard as the doors to his station opened, heard her light footsteps on the metal. He had hoped she would come to him to talk; maybe it was because he was a little selfish.

"Hey Garrus, you got a minute?"

He gave a side-long look, she looked exhausted, "Yea, of course."

"I just wanted someone to talk to, before I tell the crew that I'm not going to have a breakdown. Pretty sure I scared someone after Horizon."

"Well, we care about you. Without you Shepard this could never happen."

"I'm sure somebody could do this just as well, Cerberus only picked me because I know the most about the Reapers."

"You don't really believe that, do you? Shepard you're a leader, you're mean a lot more than you know."

Shepard started to fidget, a little uncomfortable with such high praise. _She's always too modest._

"Look, I know what Alenko said may feel like it's the truth, it's not. You're doing the right thing Shepard."

"I know, it's just a lot harder than the stories make it seem. I guess that's how I know that this is right though."

Garrus gave her a look that clearly asked what she meant by that. Shepard gave a hurried explanation, "It's just that the doing the right thing is a lot harder than taking the easy way out, it seems to be something you spend more time thinking about. There's this saying 'I never said it would be easy, I said it would be worth it.' My first commander used to say it."  
"Sounds like a smart person."

"He definitely put things in perspective."

They both stood there in silence. Shepard was probably just going over the events on Horizon again. Garrus on the other hand was struggling on what to do next, should he try and comfort her with more words or maybe a touch on the shoulder? Is it ok to just hold her? Nothing was simple around Shepard that was certain.

In a manner-of-fact way Shepard spoke up, "I should go."

Garrus gave her a nod and just was she was walking back out, "Shepard, if you ever need me…I'll be here."

She gave a slight smile and turned back around and Garrus felt like he could breathe again.

~*~

She had talked to some of the crew, picked a new destination, and was now at her work area. Jane really need to check her messages, there were hundreds. Thankfully most were junk mail, a few were from Cerberus and the Illusive Man and they would just have to wait. As Jane pressed the delete button she began to zone out.

Oddly enough her mind went to Garrus, she thought about the "good old days". She remembered going to Garrus to hear his thoughts after every mission. He had a unique way of looking at the galaxy, though sometimes it concerned her. When they went after Dr. Heart she intended to help Garrus take down a disgusting criminal. When the moment came and a life was in her hands, Jane used it to save Garrus from going down a dark path.

She remembered her fear that her friend might not be able to resist the urge for vengeance. She had seen what kind of person that made, it couldn't happen to him. Garrus became this pillar of strength, a verbal punching bag, and the closest friend she ever had. That made her wonder, what had Kaiden been? If she had so easily fallen into his arms, why? _Because he was there, you needed someone to comfort you. Maybe he feels used, and his feeling would be right._

It hurt to admit it, but that might be the truth. If she didn't love Kaiden, then who would she love? Shepard knew she needed someone who could just be there, without judging her every choice. Someone who could deal with her stubborn side, her need to go over every detail, and that would be okay with knowing she wasn't what the hype made her look like. Then it hit like a ton of bricks, there was someone like that.

It would have been a truly epic thought, if didn't cause her to loudly exclaim "Oh my God!" and the even more loudly slap her hand to her forehead. The looks from the surrounding crew truly did not help.

**A/N: Yea, I never really like Kaiden and his whole thing on Horizon did NOT help. These last few chapters have been about remembering and drawing conclusions from that. After this I'll be getting more to the present and things will not be anywhere close to the dialogue in the game. (Ok I'll probably steal a dirty joke or two, but yea…x.x)**

**Normally I do not do this, but a review or two would make me squee…I promise :D**


	4. What to do with gray?

**Word Count: 1960 (really big, but towards the end a lot of it is cannon conversations so if you know it you could skip the quotes)**

It had been a hard night, but the mission on Illium was complete. Garrus sat in the mess hall, alone thankfully. The past few days had left him feeling unsure of himself, mostly around Shepard. He knew that with Alenko out of the picture now was the time to step up, but it didn't seem to change anything. He was still unsure what she thought of him and afraid that afterwards something would go wrong and things would change for the worse.

_Can a human and Turian even be together? _That thought alone left him extremely confused, was it even possible? If so, then how? Garrus had seen a naked human once or twice, not by choice though. Working for C-Sec created some awkward moments, especially during a bust. Omega had strippers from every species so it was inevitable that he would see it again. Humans were so fragile looking; surely a Turian would end up doing more harm than anything else.

~*~

Shepard had been speaking with Miranda, apparently she had a sister and needed Shepard's help. Jane didn't really know what it was like to have a family to protect; she knew it was just as important as stopping the Collector's though. They were already on Illium, she would help.

As she was leaving, Shepard saw Garrus starting intently at a cup.

"That's quite an intense starting contesting you two are having." Garrus jumped a little as Shepard pulled him back into reality.

"Oh, uh, I was just thinking," as he looked up at Jane, his mandibles flared out ever so slightly. Despite his features being vastly different from a human, Shepard could tell he was a little embarrassed. _I didn't think Garrus could be embarrassed._

"What was it that had you thinking so hard?"

Garrus seemed a little nervous, and then quickly said, "I was just thinking about my old squad and Sidonis." When he said Sidonis she could feel the disgust.

"Any word on where he is?"

"Not yet, but I don't think I'll know anything for a while. If I do, it will be luck or he will have gotten careless."

"If you hear anything, just tell me. I'll do what I can to help."

Garrus gave her a hard look, "It won't be like last time Shepard. If I find Sidonis, I will kill him."

Shepard felt that fear, just like last time only worse. It was worse because she knew he was more than just a friend to her.

"We'll see," she got up and was just about to walk away when she felt a sudden urge. Shepard placed her hand on his shoulder, "I know two years is a long time, but some things don't change. You're a good man; don't let him take that from you."

Garrus looked up at her; there was something in his eyes she couldn't place.

~*~

He knew what she was trying to do, Shepard had to save everyone. He didn't want to be saved though, this was his fight. He wasn't even sure if he wanted her approval even.

Garrus just wasn't like her; he had faults that stood out more. He felt all the bad emotions like rage, vengeance, and lust. He knew Sheppard felt that kind of stuff too, everyone did. The difference is that she didn't act on them, he did.

"I know you want me to just forgive and forget, but I can't. I don't know what else to say," Garrus hung his head to keep from looking Shepard in the eyes.

"Neither do I," she walked away, her step never faltering.

Garrus felt a pinch in his heart, probably was shame. He knew he had disappointed her. It would have been pointless to lie to her though. Shepard had this strange way of reading people, no matter what the species.

~*~

Shepard felt like hitting someone, but the wall of the elevator was the only close thing. She punched it with all her might and let her fist sit on the wall. Looking at the floor she let out a shuddering breath. _What the hell goes through that Turian's head? _

Jane couldn't understand why, after all this time, Garrus still managed to hold the most epic of grudges. She had seen slight changes in his personality and the way he looked at the galaxy. As Joker said, "Sure he took the stick out of his ass, but now he seems hell bent on beating people with it."

There was something inside of Jane that told her this was just like the last time. She could change how it all turned out, but how? Words weren't enough this time, it would take something more.

~*~

It had been a few days since Shepard had last talked with Garrus, and now Yeoman Chambers had insisted that she go back. Apparently something had put a fire in Garrus' eyes, which could only mean one thing. He had found Sidonis.

~*~

Shepard had really hoped the volus was not Fade, because then the Citadel would be way too pathetic. Turned out that Harkin was Fade, which was better but only just. It certainly explained how well Fade could navigate C-Sec firewalls; Harkin knew them like the back of his hand. Jane had to admit this was too easy, despite the heavy mechs. It was like the galaxy wanted to corrupt Garrus.

"You want to know what else is bad for business," Garrus placed his foot over Harkin's fragile neck, "a broken neck!"

_What the hell is wrong with him?_ Still, Harkin talked and even set them up to meet with Sidonis. Shepard watched as Garrus started fiddling with his pistol, hoping he would just make an idol threat. As Harkin confirmed where the meet was as Garrus aimed for him. It was too much and Shepard interrupted the shot.

He looked at her fiercely, "You don't need to shoot to him. He won't be able to hide from C-Sec now."

Garrus struggled with her slightly for control of his pistol and turned to Harkin, "I guess it's your lucky day."

With every ounce of sarcasm possible Harkin replied, "Yea I hope we get to do this real soon."

As Shepard turned in disgust she heard a thunk and turned to see Harkin fall to the ground, hands on his face. She looked at Garrus for only a moment, and decided no comment was needed.

"I didn't shoot him," Garrus stated. Shepard couldn't stop her slight smirk; she agreed that Harkin did deserve a broken nose.

~*~

Garrus landed the flyer and started checking his gear, looking for a roost at the same time, "Harkin's a bloody menace. We shouldn't have just let him go. He deserved to be punished."

Shepard turned to Garrus, "I'm getting' a little worried about you Garrus. You were pretty hard on Harkin."

"You don't think he deserved it?"

"It's just not like you," she was concerned that much was clear.

Garrus sighed, "What do you want from me Shepard? What would you do if someone betrayed you?" He turned away, unsure of what he might see in her eyes.

"I'm not sure, but I wouldn't let it change me," she turned to look him in the eye.

"I would've said the same thing before it happened to me."

"It's not too late. You don't have to go through with this," maybe it was his imagination, but Garrus thought he heard pleading, ever so slightly.

"Who's going to bring Sidonis to justice if I don't? Nobody else knows what he's done. Nobody else cares! I don't see any other options."

"Then let me talk to him."

"Talk all you want, it won't change anything. I don't care what his reasons were, he screwed us…he deserves to die."

"Do you really want to kill him though?"

"I appreciate your concern, but I'm not you."

"Dammit, this isn't you either," Shepard looked at him with the same look right before she let Saleon live.

"Really?" he said sharply, "I've always hated injustice. The thought that Sidonis could get away with this… Why should he go on living while ten good men lie in unmarked graves? I'm sorry but words aren't going to solve this problem."

That was that, he told her where he would be to keep her out of his shot and gave her the plan. He watched as the flyer lifted back up and felt something heavy right in his stomach. Garrus didn't want to admit it, but the way Shepard looked as she flew off made him feel like this wasn't going as he planned.

He ignored the feeling and got ready, she had to understand. She would let him take the shot.

~*~

As the Turian approached Shepard she knew now was the time for fast thinking, "Listen Sidonis, I'm here to help you."

Panicked Sidonis got a little closer, "Don't ever say that name aloud."

"I'm a friend of Garrus'. He wants you dead, but I'm hoping that's not necessary."

"Garrus? Is this some kind of joke?"

Garrus' voice was right in her ear, "Damn it Shepard! If he moves I'm taking the shot!"

Sidonis started backing up, "Screw this, I'm not sticking around here to find out. Tell Garrus I had my own problems…"

Shepard grabbed him quickly, "Don't move. I'm the only thing standing between you and a hole in the head."

That certainly got his attention. Sidonis started spilling out his heart after that; he was like the walking dead. In the end, Shepard convinced Garrus that it wasn't worth it. Sidonis managed to walk away unscathed.

~*~

Garrus walked quickly to the flyer, trying to not look at Shepard, "I know you want to talk about this… but I don't. Not yet." He tried to keep the anger out of his voice.

"I know it didn't go the way you planned, but you did the right thing."

"I'm not so sure."

Hesitating, "Just give it time."

"Yeah, maybe that'll be enough. I want to know I did the right thing, not just for me but for my men. They deserved to be avenged, but when Sidonis was in my sights… I just couldn't do it."  
"When you know someone, the lines between good and evil kind of blur. It's not as easy"

"Yeah, there was still good in him… I could see it. Still it's so much easier to see the world in black and white. Gray, I don't know what to do with gray."

"You have to trust your instincts."

Garrus felt a flash of frustration, "My instincts are what got me into this mess."

Shepard hesitated, and then placed a hand on his unscarred cheek. "Don't be too hard on yourself, please."

Garrus sighed again, "Thanks, for everything."

Garrus was angry, frustrated, and confused; but there was something in what Shepard said. He wasn't going to be the same anymore.

**A/N: So there were a lot of direct quotes, but I did do some fudging here and there. I still don't like doing it, but this was such a huge part of the story there was no ignoring it. After this there will be more custom moments, and I've decided I may end the story with the smut. Things will get pretty intense anyway, plus it'll be challenging as hell. **

**Thanks go to: otomewench, Thornapple**

**Thank for your kind words, I'm a total review whore apparently, so it was nice to read the kind words. **

**P.S. I know you're out there, I check my page views all the f***ing time *eye roll at self***


	5. Baby Steps

**A/N: About the previous chapter, last night I uploaded the wrong version. I had done a lot of editing and even deleted the first two sections. Hopefully this issue has been fixed as I tried uploading the correct version. The story is the same, I just tried to change the feel of how I was telling it. You do not need to read it again unless you really want to. **

**W/C: 1783 **

At first Garrus had been okay with letting Shepard come to him in a few days, just like always. Something was different though Garrus wasn't sure what that something was. He felt the need to talk to her sooner than normal. Besides she was only avoiding him to give him time; if he sought her out that was perfectly fine.

Originally their relationship was simple; they were close friends but nothing more. Alenko had won Shepard over fair and square; there was nothing more Garrus could do.

Now everything had changed; they were on a true suicide mission, Alenko had broken Shepard's heart, and Garrus had seen something in her eyes. It was the way she looked at him after Sidonis. When Shepard stopped him from killing Saleon he had seen pride, her pride in him. This time there was no pride, only some strange, deep emotion. He felt it when she had touched his face and now he missed it.

He needed to talk to her; _I bet EDI knows where to find her_.

~*~

Shepard could understand Tali's love of engines, they were pretty magnificent. As a kid from Earth, space was this huge mystery. Shepard liked going to engineering, to see the mass effect engine that kept her from ever going back to that crappy city. She leaned on the railing and continued her gaze, grateful for the closed door. Jane didn't know how she could explain that she loved engines and knew nothing about them. As far as Donnelly and Gaby were concerned, Shepard had wanted to inspect how the engine was working with all the upgrades. In truth, this reminded her of how much she had gained.

When she heard someone open the doors, she turned around ready to berate the rude crew member. Instead, Shepard came face to face with Garrus.

"Oh, sorry, did you need something?" Shepard just kept getting more and more nervous around him and hoped for an escape.

"I was actually looking for you," he said, taking a step closer.

They were now a foot apart and Shepard was doing her best not to notice little things, like how his breath might feel on her skin.

"Was there something on your mind?"

"Always with the questions Shepard," Garrus chuckled as he too leaned on the panel, "Is it too much that I just want to talk with you? I remember a time where you would find me by the Mako just so you could ask me about Turian culture."

Shepard let a small laugh out as she remembered some of their conversations, "As I recall, the questions usually ended up with you telling me how I abused the Mako too much."

"Well you were pretty rough on it, if I charged for the repairs I'd be rich."

"Ha, ha thank you for insulting my driving skills."

Garrus looked at her with what looked like a smile, "Touchy subject I see."

Shepard playfully smacked his side, but her hand had barely touched his shoulder when he quickly grabbed it. Shepard stared as Garrus gently held the hand for a moment, then she looked up. He was still looking down, as though he was unsure of something. When he did look up and saw her watching him, he dropped her hand like it was on fire.

He made a small cough and looked forward as though nothing happened. Jane felt a little empty that he hadn't held on. _Dammit, you can kill a thresher maw but you can't tell Garrus how you really feel?_

Jane looked over and noticed that his hands weren't completely hidden; if she wanted to she could still try. She looked forward as well and slowly moved her had to rest over his. She could feel Garrus look at her and then back towards the engine. Jane wished and hoped he wouldn't push her away.

Instead he moved it so that he could hold her hand once more, two of her fingers fitting between the talons. Jane felt a small smile that eventually became this goofy grin. She didn't care though.

~*~

As Garrus held Shepard's hand he felt happy in the most ridiculous way. It was strange how so simple an action made him so at ease. He peered at Shepard from the side, seeing the smile spread a across her face. For a second, Garrus though he should say something but nothing really came to mind. He decided to take comfort in the silence they could share.

After a few minutes, he heard a sigh come from Shepard, "Garrus I should get ready for the next mission."

She certainly didn't look that happy about leaving but they both knew she had a duty. Garrus gave her a serious look and mulled over whether or not to take things one step further. As Shepard started to remove her hand Garrus made a snap decision. He pulled her hand up to his face and nuzzled the inside of her palm. It was brief but he hoped it conveyed some sort of emotion.

Shepard's face took on a pink tinge, something humans did when embarrassed. _Is she ashamed of me?_ The thought didn't last long as Shepard put that same hand on his face to look at him, only then did she leave.

~*~

A change in plans came when the Illusive Man sent Shepard after a disabled Collector ship. It was too important of an opportunity. She took Grunt and Mordin with, knowing they were the most effective against the Collectors and their mutations.

As they made their way through the ship, Shepard couldn't help but wonder at how easy this was. There was no Collectors to be found, anywhere. Something was wrong, and she had a bad feeling they would find out the hard way.

~*~

Garrus stood in the cock pit, watching and waiting for more information. He hated that he wasn't there, but understood why. Still he couldn't really protect Shepard from the Normandy. Just when things seemed to go so well, the shit hit the fan. It was a trap set by the Illusive man himself. _And here I thought I had my fill of the betrayal and murder for the day._

Garrus couldn't do a damn thing to help Shepard, except be there when the shuttle came back into the cargo hold. He quickly rushed past the crew, stopping only to get Dr. Chawkwas. They waited for only a few more seconds before the shuttle arrived. As soon as the airlock sealed, they were down there.

Luckily there were only minor injuries, but it had been too close.

~*~

As Shepard stood in her quarters, still wearing her armor, she felt her stress ebb away. It hadn't been a complete trap and had served a purpose. Still, she was pissed. Shepard stripped out of the armor and stepped into her shower. She let the hot water take care of the knots in her shoulders and back. Then she got into a pair of loose pants and shirt, now was the time for sleep.

Shepard sat on the edge of the bed, running her fingers through her still wet hair, when EDI chimed in.

"Garrus Vakarian would like to speak with you now, Commander."

"Let him in EDI."

Garrus stepped inside and when he looked up he seemed to forget what he was going to say. It was then that Shepard remembered she was wearing something that wasn't armor or a uniform. She felt almost naked but decided to move forward.

"Garrus? Was there something you needed?"

Garrus seemed to shake himself out of whatever was going on in his mind, "Sorry… I was just concerned how you were holding up after everything that happened."

"I'm still feeling the aftereffects of being incredibly angry but I'll be fine. I'm more grateful now, at least no one got killed because of that…that…" Shepard struggled to find the right word.

"Bastard?" Garrus said.

"Yea, that's a good one," Shepard smiled to herself. _Once I get out from under his thumb, that's what I'll tell him. _

"Thanks for checking in on me though, it's nice to know that someone cares," Shepard stood up to face Garrus.

~*~

Garrus looked at Shepard carefully, trying to not stare at his Commander. He found that he was more concerned that Shepard thought no one cared about her wellbeing than what might have happened on the Collector ship. Before thinking too much, Garrus pulled Shepard into a hug.

"I'll always care, Shepard."

Just as he was about to let go, Shepard wrapped her arms around him. This was the only encouragement he needed to bring her as close to his body as possible. She laid her head on his shoulder.

They stayed like that for a what felt like an eternity, but it was probably a few minutes maybe less. Garrus was the first to loosen his grip, knowing that he would have to return to his station. The Cerberus crew wasn't as prone to gossip as the Alliance crew, but he wasn't willing to risk it.

Just before completely releasing Shepard she pressed her lips onto the lower end of his unscarred mandible. From what Garrus could remember, this was supposed to be called a kiss. It was something intimate.

He looked down to Shepard, who looked back with that red look on her face. She also had a rather crooked looking grin. Unsure of what to do next he settled for nuzzling her neck. Shepard let out a sudden laugh and Garrus looked at her in confusion.

"Ah, sorry. It's just that I'm ticklish," she said.

"I think I've heard of that before, something about how if I touch you lightly you start to laugh uncontrollably?"

~*~

The tone in Garrus' face was something like a question and a plan, "Don't get any funny ideas."

Shepard attempted to look as serious as possible but figured it didn't really matter. Normally she hated being tickled but there was something nice when Garrus had done it accidently.

He laughed in the deep voice of his, "I think it's too late for that."

Garrus let her go completely now and started walking to the door but before walking through he turned around and looked at her one last time. It was that look that made Shepard's legs feel like jelly. It was deep, something that looked like a barely tamed hunger. Shepard felt like the prey and he was the predator. What really made it bad was that she kind of liked it.

**A/N: So it's only been a few chapters and I know I will need to post a revision of the whole series since there are still some grammar errors. I'll get to the end , then start posting revised chapters. I have no beta reader as of now, I honestly didn't expect my fervor to last this long. I don't want to jinx myself. Besides I would need my beta reader to be kind of like my editor in the sense that they give me deadlines and push me to be better. Otherwise it's just some stranger reading and fixing and yea… I'm too angsty sometimes. x.x **

**Thanks to: Malignant_Librarian, Jelfia Maleak, Brian0101**

**You're kind words make me happy. :D **

**P.S. Next chapter will be a while…it shall be why this story is M…hint hint **

**P.P.S. My spell checker tried to get me to spell Dr. Saleon as Dr. Saloon, at 2 AM this was hilarious. Later Shepard had a "pint tinge" not a "pink tinge" I love spell checker so much :P**


	6. Tiebreaker

**A/N**: **If you are not over 18 do not read (disclaimer to cover my ass) also if you don't like smutty things, do NOT read. First part of the chapter is the set-up, because some tid bits were just too damn juicy. Warning: rough draft, will explain later.**

**WC: 2054**

_"We, ah, ended up holding a tiebreaker in her quarters. I had reach, but she had flexibility. More than one way to work off stress, I guess."_

_ She smirks, "It sounds like you're carrying some tension. Maybe I could help you get rid of it."_

_ He searches for words, "I, uh, didn't think you felt like sparring, Commander." He says the rank, a little out of habit, but mostly as an out. She couldn't mean the other part, could she?_

_ Shaking her head at him, "What if we skipped right to the tiebreaker?"_

_ He gulps down any smart ass comments, suddenly very nervous. He tried to not make any assumptions when it came to their, whatever it could be called. _

_ She continued, "We could test your reach… and my flexibility." She hesitated, maybe from nerves, but she seemed serious._

_ He had to say something, "I…hah, didn't know you had a weakness for men with scars," giving it some thought, "There's no one in this galaxy I respect more than you. So, yea, why the hell not? If we can figure out a way to make it work then…yea, definitely"_

_ She walks past him, fingers brushing his arms as she passes him. He can smell her, it's a heady earth scent but there's something else, almost smells like citrus fruits. He turns around and tries to focus on the damn guns, it doesn't work._

~*~

_ She's back, although he can't figure out why. Perhaps she changed her mind? He hopes not, but knows it's most likely._

_ "Have you got a minute?" _

_ He elects to close the door behind her, just in case this conversation goes somewhere really good or really bad._

_ He voices his thoughts before she has a chance, "I've been thinking about what we talked about. Blowing off steam," he coughs, "easing tension. It's just; I've never considered cross-species intercourse. And damn, saying it that way doesn't help. Now I feel dirty and clinical."_

_ She lets out a small laugh, it sounds like…well he's not sure what it sounds like, he just knows that he wants to hear it more. _

_ "Are we crazy to even be thinking about this? I'm not… look Shepard, I know you can find something a little closer to home." As he says it, he regrets it. Still he has to make sure this is what she wants. _

_ She smiles, "I don't want something closer to home. I want you; I want someone that I can trust."_

_ Trying to bring some levity, "I can do that. I'll find some music…and do some research to figure out how to make this work. It'll be either a night to treasure or a horrible interspecies, awkwardness thing," there is an incredibly long pause, "In which case, fighting the Collectors will be a welcome distraction. So, you know, win either way. "_

_ He doesn't mean it; he wants it to be something good and wants her to enjoy it. Still, he can't stop being a smart ass. _

_She gets this look of concern on her face, taking his hands into hers, "You know Garrus, if you're not comfortable with this, its okay. I don't want to force you into a corner with this."_

_ He can't believe she thinks he doesn't want this, "Shepard, you're the only friend I've got left in this screwed up galaxy. I'm not going to pretend I've got some fetish for humans…but this isn't about that. This is…about us." _

_ He pauses to find the right words, "You don't every have to worry about making me uncomfortable. Nervous, yes…but never uncomfortable."_

_ She holds onto his hand for a little longer, searching for a lie or some kind of bluff. When she doesn't find it, she lets go._

_ "I'll let you get back to work."_

_ "Right, cause I'm in a great place to optimize firing algorithms right now."_

_ She smirks as she backs away, never taking her eyes off of his. When the door closes they both let out the breath that they had been holding. _

~*~

They were going after the Omega 4 relay, that was that. The Normandy had every possible upgrade and so did her squad. They couldn't be more prepared technology wise, but mentally? That was a whole different story and a stolen crew did not help. Jane stood in the shower, letting the water wash over her but not moving. She let herself feel the fear and nerves.

It was a habit she learned growing up with the Reds. She could never afford to feel the bad emotions all at once. Instead she would let it show little by little just before bed, until it was gone. Before it kept her from looking weak, now it allowed her to focus her mind when it mattered.

She stepped out of the shower and changed into her uniform. Maybe doing some work would help, it always had before.

~*~

Garrus still wasn't sure what he was doing, this was all planned out differently. He was going to get her wine and play music. Hopefully it wouldn't be awkward, but that didn't really matter now. He remembered what Shepard was like after Virmire, and that was one squad member. What would happen if she lost the crew?

He watched her step out of the bathroom, surprised to see him. She was in her uniform, which made things easier. Last time the clothes had made him wonder what she would like without them on, made him forget she was **Commander** Shepard.

"Garrus…" He didn't let her get that far, pulling her in for a hug.

He hoped she wouldn't back away now, that maybe it was okay for him to be there for her. She didn't, instead brining her hands to rest on his back. He remembered all the times she said she trusted him and was glad to see it was true.

~*~

As Garrus tightened his hold, Shepard felt how warm he really was. She knew he had come to be her friend, but she was ready for more. Slowly she moved her hands from his back to his face, causing him to look her in the eye. She could see the nervousness; he probably thought she was going to tell him to leave.

"Garrus, I need more than just someone to lean one right now," hopefully he could take a hint.

It took a second or two but the realization dawned on him, but he only seemed to get more nervous.

"Garrus, you're worrying too much," she smiled at him, trying to calm him.

"I just… I've seen so many things go wrong Shepard. My work at C-Sec, what happened to Sidonis… I want something to go right. Just once. Just…" She put her hand on his cheek; this time thought it was the scarred side.

When she let her hand fall from his face Garrus moved forward to let their foreheads touch. He slowly traced the back of his talon down her arm causing her to shiver. He looked at her with slight concern until she returned the gesture.

"Shepard… I," she placed a finger over his mouth, because really he did talk too much.

She pressed her lips to the side of his face, placed little pecks all the way down to his jaw. She hesitated just before placing one on where his lips would. Shepard knew he wouldn't be able to return the kiss, but she still wanted to do it.

Garrus ran his fingers through her hair for the first time. At first Shepard relished in the attention but it didn't take long for her to notice something. He was only concentrating on her hair and he seemed to be totally distracted by it. She laughed to herself at how such a small thing to her was so big to him. She kissed him again, shyly running her tongue along his mouth. He let out a purring kind of noise that encouraged her.

Gathering up the last of her courage, Jane pulled her shirt and bra over her head. This was the truly frightening part, letting him see her naked. Humans and Turians were just so different; would he even be attracted to her?

Hesitating, he ran his hands along her body, exploring her back and stomach. He seemed to avoid her breasts though, but more from being unsure of what to do with them. It was a little bit, but he did finally move towards them. Starting on the edge, he slowly moved towards the center, causing her to sigh with pleasure when he passed over the nipple.

Reverting back to his comfort zone, Garrus nuzzled the side of her neck, using he tongue to taste her skin. This seemed to get a more excited response as she placed her hands at his waist, playing with the hem of his shirt. Needing no more hint, Garrus pulled it off. With both of them topless, he couldn't help but wonder if this was the part where things got awkward.

Instead, Shepard copied his earlier movements, slowly exploring him with her hands. As her small fingers worked across his various plates, Garrus thought how different this was from Turian females. He liked it.

Shepard led him over to the bed, both stripping the last of their clothes. Shepard looked at Garrus, seeing him without the visor or armor. It was not like how she thought it would be, for two experienced adults, they were acting like virgins. It was time to inject some passion into this moment.

She nearly leapt onto him as she returned to her kisses, continuing down his face to his neck. Giving her hands some kind of anchor, she placed them on the back of his head. He let out a sharp hiss, worriedly she backed off.

"I'm sorry, I…" he pulled her back to him and placed her fingers back where they were, but lightly. That was when it dawned on her, apparently fringe is a sensitive area. She began to slowly massage her fingers across the surface, eliciting deep, low growls and moans.

Suddenly Garrus pushed them both onto the bed, his breath just as hot and heavy as her's as he held himself above her. He saw what he needed to in her eyes, there was lust, passion, and that heavy emotion he was too afraid to name. Before he could rethink it, Garrus pushed into her.

They both cried out to the new, alien feel of each other. She was extremely tight, wet, and smooth which Turian women were not. Her body was softer and made her seem like glass. He moved in and out slowly, afraid to hurt her. That wasn't good enough for Shepard though.

In between her own sounds of pleasure, "Garrus…I won't break."

Then she started to play with his fringe and that was all the encouragement he needed. He started to pound in and out of her, going faster at a frenzied rate. Her moans got louder as his pants got faster. Then there was nothing but a searing white heat as he felt her suddenly squeeze around him.

He laid on top her, trying to catch his breath again. He heard a grunt from below and realized he was crushing her. Garrus moved faster than he ever had and ended up falling right off the edge of the bed.

She laughed hard, barely able to get out, "Are you okay?"

Lying with his back on the floor, Garrus sheepishly avoided looking at her, "Yea, I'm fine. In fact I think I'll just hang out here for a little a while."

"Garrus get your ass back up here," she smiled as she tried to tug him back into bed.

He gave in, mostly because he already missed her skin on his. He got back onto the bed, pulling the mess of sheets over them. She lay facing him, looking peaceful for the first time ever.

"I don't want this to just be blowing off steam," she stated.

Garrus felt the smile before he had fully processed what she said, "Same here, Shepard."

"Good," she kissed his nose and then tucked her head into the crook of his arm.

He watched as she fell asleep, content to hold her in his arms for the rest of his life.

**Whew, that was really freaking hard. I will NOT be going further with this for a long time. Why you might ask? Well, I'm shipping out to the Navy in a few days, that's why. I loved writing this and one day I'll start this all up again.**

**Thank you to all my reviewers and lurkers, you made it possible for me to keep this going.**

**P.S. I wrote this while listening to Thane's theme song, sad but true x.x**


	7. Project Announcement

UPDATE:

01 July 2012

I'm currently starting a new Mass Effect story project. It will be a full blown Trilogy starting at ME1, with each new installment per game. As of now I am unsure if I will be able to post directly to Fan Fiction or if I will need to utilize my DeviantArt account. I've had to do this in the past. I don't expect to have any news for at least another week. In the meantime I would appreciate it if you check out my Deviant page, my user is: eifel105

Thank you to all my reviewers and lurkers, you have made this possible!


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